I haven blogged for almost a year because I totally forgot about having a blog lol.. It's almost the end of 2014, I can't wait for 2015 to arrive. So much happening in my life right now it's insane. Let's just hope everything goes well and that I can fall asleep tonight. It's already 1 in the morning and I have work later urge. I'm only looking forward to sleep but I can't sleep which is stupid. Oh well if anyone is even reading,  good night and happy Thursday.

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The feeling you get when you keep everything in and when it finally reaches it's limit, it blows up. Everything starts coming at you and everything you do get worst. The feeling you felt when you realised actually all along the one who you lose trust in was yourself, that everything happened because of you and what you did. That you've to lie to yourself to feel better, to fake being happy to cover all the sadness inside you. To believe in nothing because everything seems so blurry and felt so airy.

When your tears start sliding down your cheeks, you gasp for air as you feel the heart ache as though you are dying and you wish you were dead. Because at least the pain will stop and without the negative everyone will be happier.

Dying from the inside out is the worst kind of death, i guess i deserve it.

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Night.

I haven been sleeping well for a long while until i get to see you again. Some days i just go to work as usual acting i'm just tired because i don't have 'enough' sleep but truth is i haven had one in a long time.

You noticed i was tired and the fact that only when you're beside me i manage to fall asleep. Every night like today i can't sleep and can't stop thinking and wishing if only you were here. The precious amount of time i get to spend with you in a day is way too limited i wish time would just stay still for a little longer so i can take a good look at your beautiful face and enjoy your scent while you hug me so tight in your arms.

I am satisfied with all that i have right now but honestly part of me gets out of breath sometimes and i feel like giving up. Not because of any problems or obstacles we are facing but because you've to sacrifice so much just to make sure i am happy. It's so not worth it. The pain i felt everytime when i think of us, it's so near yet so far.

I don't dare to expect much of us because i don't want to be disappointing both you and i in the end but i wish what we have now would never change. I like how we are now and for someone like you to even fall for me is too good to be true.
It's always time like this i miss you the most..

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12/08/13

We missed our 4th Anniversary so we decided to have a mini belated celebration at chillis before catching our movie. It was one very memorable and fun one, hope i get to see him again soon. My work schedule and his is clashing but i'm just hoping for the best. Everything will eventually fall into place for us both, that's what i believe.

Now work for me, good luck let's hope sales will be good and that time will fly by. Can't wait for September to end lol.

P.s if you're reading this my dear, just want you to know i miss you xoxo

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Hi..

So i haven been updating for a long time but ya now i'm back and ya i needed a space to do all the writing..

I miss my boy a little too much and everyone is nagging non stop like my head is not loud enough i wish all can just stop. Sometimes i wonder why i even wake up. Life as we know it.

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27.01.13

The day I dislike most is both Sunday and Monday.. The only good thing is that I'll be working alone until the late evening.

I'm feeling excited because it's just 4 more days to end this horrible January! Something excited to look forward to in February but definitely not my birthday.. Turning 20 just makes me more awkward than I already am. I'm neither a teenager nor an adult so I gues I'm in-between? Hmm.

February will be a busy month for me, a lot things coming up besides CNY of cos. A lot to think about, to work on and whole lot more responsibilities pilling on. Challenging and stressful I would say but I like to work in such pressure to ensure that I improve from where I already am rather than just stay still. Just want to improve myself as a whole but I can never change the way I am which I'm sorry about to people around me. I can't seem to express myself properly or normally. That just makes me 3 times more awkward.

I'm hopping that I've more things to look forward to so I can get by days faster w/o Cal. My life is so meaningless I feel like I failed as a living thing, even an ant's life is more happening compared to mine. I won't be able to see Cal for almost 2 months after the 15th March, I can foresee myself either staying in bed all day spacing out or stay busy with whatever I can find to be 24/7. Time need to pass faster when cal is NOT with me. Sigh. Why am I so negative.. Off to hell now.

21.01.13

First monthsary in year 2013, it's amazing how we are still so in love even though the amount of time see each other and get to spend time together for this 3 & a half years were so little.

After more than 3 years I still get the butterflies and heart racing feeling towards you, I think it's magical. I feel like I'm falling into a hole that is so deep, there is no limit and I'll just keep falling falling falling.. I don't think there is a limit for the feelings I have towards you cal. Everyday it's growing and i'm proud to say that you're the one I love.

We've been through a lot last 3 years++ and looking back now I'm actually super glad we didn't gave up and never have we once thought of giving up this relationship just because of all the challenges we had to face. I'm so so sooo thankful for your existent. I know there's more challenges to come but baby don't worry we can overcome it together. I'm so blessed to have you in my life (:

All you've to know is that I'm yours to keep for your entire life and I'll always be by you, at your side no matter what happen. I can't promise that I'll always be by your side but my heart and mind is always filled with you and you only. I will give you all my support and I promise to take good care of myself because that's the least I could do, not to make you worried about me.

Life have been hard on you all this while and I'm really sorry I feel like I'm just another 10kg of rice stacking on your shoulders adding to your burden. I love you so much baby, all I could ever wish for is for you to stay happy, healthy, safe and of cos success in everything you do. My greatest regret is not kissing you enough every weekend when I have the chance to. Baby I love you, I miss you so much and wish right now you could be sleeping in my arms. Good night <333