It's March already, time fly pass so fast. I'm so busy with work it almost felt like I'm rushing time to pass. I have so much to do but so little time. Haven been sleeping much ever since I started work. My schedule is so pack I start my day at 930AM and only manage to have some eye shut at 3/4AM. Everyday is the same routine, I feel like I'm just an empty shell.
It's only days like yesterday I'm lucky I get to meet my boy and everything seems to be so wonderful but I'm not lucky all the time. Now everything is back to how it is, reality - wake up, workouts, lunch, bathe, work, sleep. I really wish I could do more with the 24hrs I have everyday, somehow I feel like I'm not doing enough. Never enough.. or good enough.
Life have been good but that feeling is bad and I really hate it. The sleepless nights, the overthinking, no appetite and then weird cravings (which I don't get it in the end) and stress. It's almost like nothing is wrong but something is not right and you know it. You feel like everything bad that happen around you is your fault and nothing seems right anymore.
The more you try not to think the more it appears in your head. You try to keep yourself a distance away from others and can no longer focus. You like the silence but hate the feeling of being alone. Most of the time it feels like time stopped and the feeling is eating you up alive. Your head hurts and all you want to do is knock yourself out and have a good sleep. & when you do get to sleep it hunts you in your dream. It's a fucking cycle and I don't know how to get out of it. Trying is no longer enough but what exactly is enough I wonder..
Nobody will ever understand because I don't even understand it as well. I thought it's gone for good, looks like I'm wrong once again.
