6th March

It's March already, time fly pass so fast. I'm so busy with work it almost felt like I'm rushing time to pass. I have so much to do but so little time. Haven been sleeping much ever since I started work. My schedule is so pack I start my day at 930AM and only manage to have some eye shut at 3/4AM. Everyday is the same routine, I feel like I'm just an empty shell.

It's only days like yesterday I'm lucky I get to meet my boy and everything seems to be so wonderful but I'm not lucky all the time. Now everything is back to how it is, reality - wake up, workouts, lunch, bathe, work, sleep. I really wish I could do more with the 24hrs I have everyday, somehow I feel like I'm not doing enough. Never enough.. or good enough.

Life have been good but that feeling is bad and I really hate it. The sleepless nights, the overthinking, no appetite and then weird cravings (which I don't get it in the end) and stress. It's almost like nothing is wrong but something is not right and you know it. You feel like everything bad that happen around you is your fault and nothing seems right anymore.

The more you try not to think the more it appears in your head. You try to keep yourself a distance away from others and can no longer focus. You like the silence but hate the feeling of being alone. Most of the time it feels like time stopped and the feeling is eating you up alive. Your head hurts and all you want to do is knock yourself out and have a good sleep. & when you do get to sleep it hunts you in your dream. It's a fucking cycle and I don't know how to get out of it. Trying is no longer enough but what exactly is enough I wonder..

Nobody will ever understand because I don't even understand it as well. I thought it's gone for good, looks like I'm wrong once again.

To my dearest

Today is a special day, a day where almost everyone around the world celebrates with their love ones. To be honest I wasn't looking forward to Valentine's day because to me everyday IS valentine's day. The day doesn't matter, what matter most is the company.

To me you're the most amazing person I've met. You always said that you're none that I said you are but truth is you're my kind of prefect so everything about you to me is prefect. I can never find anything about you that is bad except the fact that you're way too good to me I fell that I don't deserve it.

I love how we always don't have time to meet up and only get to see each other the most 4 times a month but this just shows how strong our relationship are and that makes spending my day staring at you so enjoyable and worth it. Even though it kills me for missing you way too much as I don't get to see you often but the love towards you grown deeper each day and I crave for you more as day passes by.

I like how you always look so great so effortless, even when you are asleep and when you brush your teeth. I like how you have long curly hair now that I can play with when cuddling with you while watching tv. I love the smell on you that even when you sweat you still smell so damn good & I can't help myself, I'll secretly smell you. I hate it when you read a book you get so involved into it that you ignore me all the time when i talk to you but looking at you smiling to yourself just make it hard for me to be mad at you for even a min. I love the way you look at me when you talk to me. I like your voice and I can never get enough of it just like I can never get enough of coffee.

I like how your fingers fit perfectly between mine. I love how when I've stupid ideas you'll always go along with me. I like it when you accompany me to supermarkets to look at food I can't eat. I love who I am when I'm with you and that I love you not because I need you, I need you because I love you.

Without you we will never be able to last this long, I'm looking forward to spend the rest of my life/time I have with you. I love you truly from within my heart cal, happy valentine's day <3

P/s: can't wait to see you later !!!!

Won't be posting for a long while, need some time out alone. Nobody read this space anyway because I'm too boring.

I have so much to say but I rather not say anything because I know that it's not going to change anything. I don't even know where to start. Life is good so far so why can't I just enjoy it and stop whining ? Because I am greedy and I hate it.

I know that I'm happy with everything that's going on in my life now but then there's this sour feeling. This awful feeling that's always there, I fight so hard to ignore & to hide it at the back of my mind but it's just too strong.

I don't ask much really, all I want is to be able to enjoy a day with nothing to worry about. Maybe because I'm a worried wart so ya worrying is like my part time job but it's so hard not to worry anything at all. I get nervous and anxious when I'm outside or in the crowd. I feel safe when I'm alone in a room best if it's dark, I think I'm not normal. I need some music, coffee and some eye shut.

Actually I have more packing and mopping to do so ya happy 11:36PM.

Photos from instangram

Last year was kinda full of shit especially December when my bad luck was on full force. Never failed to knock into something or fall. Now that it's a brand new year I'm really looking forward to it ! I think my bad luck should have run out by now..

As usual work was fun, can't wait to see all the girls again ! Having 4 days off but all this 4 days are packed with things to be done. My sis's 21st birthday celebration tomorrow and we're all packing the house. I hope she's happy and like the iphone4s !

I need to get a organizer soon, oh $$$ please be in my bank soon I have been working so hard I think I deserve you ~

(o^^o)

Finally another day off from work, feeling really really tired but I still love my job and it's quite obvious haha. So I met my lovely girl today and oh my it's been so long since I saw her, I had fun laughing and chat non stop with her hehe <3

Haven been sleeping well lately and I need to start running as often as I can again!! Heading to the gym later and then make use the rest of my day to clean the house because we might be moving soon so ya..

Meeting my handsome saw on Thursday for our movie date!! Excited because I haven seen him for a month or so if I'm not wrong (ok I felt like it's been years). Ok I need to do some workout before I hit the covers, good night and have a nice day. (can't stop saying 'have a nice day' ever since work started omg)

Have been working at Forever New for almost a week and I'm having lots of fun even though my legs hurt like crazy with all the standing and walking.

It's a busy month and I'm just going to focus on my work. Have been thinking a lot lately and it's not very healthy for me. The stress and pressure level is increasing and I'm about to burst if this don't stop. Nothing feels right or maybe I'm just too sensitive I don't know. I hate this feeling.