12/08/13

We missed our 4th Anniversary so we decided to have a mini belated celebration at chillis before catching our movie. It was one very memorable and fun one, hope i get to see him again soon. My work schedule and his is clashing but i'm just hoping for the best. Everything will eventually fall into place for us both, that's what i believe.

Now work for me, good luck let's hope sales will be good and that time will fly by. Can't wait for September to end lol.

P.s if you're reading this my dear, just want you to know i miss you xoxo

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Hi..

So i haven been updating for a long time but ya now i'm back and ya i needed a space to do all the writing..

I miss my boy a little too much and everyone is nagging non stop like my head is not loud enough i wish all can just stop. Sometimes i wonder why i even wake up. Life as we know it.

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27.01.13

The day I dislike most is both Sunday and Monday.. The only good thing is that I'll be working alone until the late evening.

I'm feeling excited because it's just 4 more days to end this horrible January! Something excited to look forward to in February but definitely not my birthday.. Turning 20 just makes me more awkward than I already am. I'm neither a teenager nor an adult so I gues I'm in-between? Hmm.

February will be a busy month for me, a lot things coming up besides CNY of cos. A lot to think about, to work on and whole lot more responsibilities pilling on. Challenging and stressful I would say but I like to work in such pressure to ensure that I improve from where I already am rather than just stay still. Just want to improve myself as a whole but I can never change the way I am which I'm sorry about to people around me. I can't seem to express myself properly or normally. That just makes me 3 times more awkward.

I'm hopping that I've more things to look forward to so I can get by days faster w/o Cal. My life is so meaningless I feel like I failed as a living thing, even an ant's life is more happening compared to mine. I won't be able to see Cal for almost 2 months after the 15th March, I can foresee myself either staying in bed all day spacing out or stay busy with whatever I can find to be 24/7. Time need to pass faster when cal is NOT with me. Sigh. Why am I so negative.. Off to hell now.

21.01.13

First monthsary in year 2013, it's amazing how we are still so in love even though the amount of time see each other and get to spend time together for this 3 & a half years were so little.

After more than 3 years I still get the butterflies and heart racing feeling towards you, I think it's magical. I feel like I'm falling into a hole that is so deep, there is no limit and I'll just keep falling falling falling.. I don't think there is a limit for the feelings I have towards you cal. Everyday it's growing and i'm proud to say that you're the one I love.

We've been through a lot last 3 years++ and looking back now I'm actually super glad we didn't gave up and never have we once thought of giving up this relationship just because of all the challenges we had to face. I'm so so sooo thankful for your existent. I know there's more challenges to come but baby don't worry we can overcome it together. I'm so blessed to have you in my life (:

All you've to know is that I'm yours to keep for your entire life and I'll always be by you, at your side no matter what happen. I can't promise that I'll always be by your side but my heart and mind is always filled with you and you only. I will give you all my support and I promise to take good care of myself because that's the least I could do, not to make you worried about me.

Life have been hard on you all this while and I'm really sorry I feel like I'm just another 10kg of rice stacking on your shoulders adding to your burden. I love you so much baby, all I could ever wish for is for you to stay happy, healthy, safe and of cos success in everything you do. My greatest regret is not kissing you enough every weekend when I have the chance to. Baby I love you, I miss you so much and wish right now you could be sleeping in my arms. Good night <333

12th January 2013

Time pass so fast it's already day 12 of year 2013. I feel like I've been in a coma for a long time until I look at the date today.. I want to wish my sister Happy 22nd birthday once again!

I was telling Cal yesterday that my blog is always about him like i've nothing else going on in my life but to be honest I like it this way. I rather keep all those drama out of my blog because if I were to blog about those I think I can start writing a series of book lol. Life isn't as simple as we think.

So it's 2013, I've decided to make it my year since it adds up to 6 and that's my core number (LOL FENG SHUI INFLUENCED). I figured it's time I do something for myself and not just for others. To prove to those that look down on me and show them I'm not just a little girl. Hate the fact that people like to judge my capability by my height and size. I might be petite but I'm more than just that.

Work is harder than I expected. I'm really drained out from the 10 hours shifts and to face people who doubt me when something go wrong. I don't expect people to trust me but when people make judgements too quickly about something you didn't do & give you 'warning' to avoid the same thing from happening again, that I cannot tolerate. I can never understand people who can't accept the truth/fact about something or someone. Just because I see clearer so I'm the bad guy for informing about it. That's me 'bad stabbing'? Ok then at least I'm honest and I've nothing to be sorry for. Would still do the same if you gave me a choice to do it all over again.
I rather giving up our friendship than to be someone you think I should be because tbh you don't know me.

Thankful for people around me, those that stick around, accepting me for who I am and those that never once doubt me. I'm willing to do anything for people that I love openly or secretly it doesn't matter but honestly sadly not a lot stayed. I'm grateful for what I have today, all those shit that happened to me made me stronger & more independent and a better person. I know I'm never not good enough for anyone but you know what, I've no more fucks to give. Life will be better if I care less.

26th Dec 2012

I remember waking up on a raining day feeling so warm and cozy in your arms. Realising you've been watching me while I was asleep. Feeling the kisses on my forehead and cheek not knowing if it's real or if it's just a dream until when you look at me with that charming smile of yours greeting me 'hi' softly and kiss me on my nose. All this is real. I feel like the luckiest person on earth and at that moment I wish time would just stop for a few seconds to let me take a good look at you.

You would hug me so tightly when I kola-bear hug you and refuse to let go. You would play with my fingers when we're watching a movie and every few mins you would turn to me to make sure I'm enjoying the show, that I'm not feeling too cold or you would just look at me with a smile and then kiss me. You always let me decide on what we'll be having for dinner even though it's obvious you wanted pizzas. No matter how tired and sleepy you are, you never failed to travel all the way over to accompany me every weekend. You would always wake up early to meet me and then travel home alone on the last train with wet watery red tired eyes.

Spending Christmas with you is like a dream come true. Seeing that excited look and cheeky smile on your face makes me miss you even more. I love the surprise you gave me even though it doesn't really end well but to be honest I can't express how much I love it! I know I didn't looked like I do but trust me my dear it's not about the gift it's you. Now I can't wait to see you again and this time it'll be a date we'll never forget <3

24/11/12 (delayed)

Breakfast with you in the morning is a good start of the day but waking up with you in bed beside me would be perfect. I lost count of the times you blinked your eyes today, the times you had a smile on your face and the amount of times you smelled me secretly thinking I wouldn't know (now you do).

Days with you around makes me feel like I actually have a life. Plans don't ever work out as we want it to be so all I do now is hope, pray and be good so at least I feel that I deserve to hug you tightly when you book out from camp. The wait is horrible, it's a nightmare and torture but you know I would do anything for you. Waiting is just the start of this rollercoaster ride we've be in for 3 years 4 months now and I know all the pain we've gone through is worth it.

You know me best, better than anyone I know even my family. You can tell something is wrong just by my voice or a look but I've to say I'm quite good at masking up all that emotions inside me. I'm so thankful to have you supporting me all the time, to be so understanding and willing to listen to my problems. I know you're always trying your best to help and I love you even more for that. Right now I miss you like crazy, I hope you're doing well in camp and that I'll be able to see you again soon.