Breakfast with you in the morning is a good start of the day but waking up with you in bed beside me would be perfect. I lost count of the times you blinked your eyes today, the times you had a smile on your face and the amount of times you smelled me secretly thinking I wouldn't know (now you do).
Days with you around makes me feel like I actually have a life. Plans don't ever work out as we want it to be so all I do now is hope, pray and be good so at least I feel that I deserve to hug you tightly when you book out from camp. The wait is horrible, it's a nightmare and torture but you know I would do anything for you. Waiting is just the start of this rollercoaster ride we've be in for 3 years 4 months now and I know all the pain we've gone through is worth it.
You know me best, better than anyone I know even my family. You can tell something is wrong just by my voice or a look but I've to say I'm quite good at masking up all that emotions inside me. I'm so thankful to have you supporting me all the time, to be so understanding and willing to listen to my problems. I know you're always trying your best to help and I love you even more for that. Right now I miss you like crazy, I hope you're doing well in camp and that I'll be able to see you again soon.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
10/11/12
When will this feeling ever go away..?
Sometimes I miss you so much so badly I feel the tight aching feeling in my chest I can hardly breathe. I feel the tears in my eyes but everyday I'm fighting hard to not let it show. I'm sad and tired but I'm still fighting this war with you because we're in this together and I know it's all worth it.
With you I feel safe and secure, everything around feels less important and life suddenly seem so wonderful. Your voice chase all the thoughts in my head away and that's the only time my headache is 'cured'. With you is the only time I feel like I exist, that I'm important and that me along with all my efforts is being appreciate.
I know I don't ever show much when I'm with you but I mean it when I say that I love you. I'm holding back as much as possible because I'm an emotional freak, I don't want to end up breaking down in front of you because I cannot express how much you mean to me. I want you healthy, well and happy. You deserve so much more but somehow because of me you're suffering.
I'm very grateful to have you in my life and everyday i pray for the same thing. For you to be safe, healthy and happy. I hope you'll get enough rest and have more time to eat in camp my dear boy. I'll see you very soon again if everything turns out well. Good night xoxo
Sometimes I miss you so much so badly I feel the tight aching feeling in my chest I can hardly breathe. I feel the tears in my eyes but everyday I'm fighting hard to not let it show. I'm sad and tired but I'm still fighting this war with you because we're in this together and I know it's all worth it.
With you I feel safe and secure, everything around feels less important and life suddenly seem so wonderful. Your voice chase all the thoughts in my head away and that's the only time my headache is 'cured'. With you is the only time I feel like I exist, that I'm important and that me along with all my efforts is being appreciate.
I know I don't ever show much when I'm with you but I mean it when I say that I love you. I'm holding back as much as possible because I'm an emotional freak, I don't want to end up breaking down in front of you because I cannot express how much you mean to me. I want you healthy, well and happy. You deserve so much more but somehow because of me you're suffering.
I'm very grateful to have you in my life and everyday i pray for the same thing. For you to be safe, healthy and happy. I hope you'll get enough rest and have more time to eat in camp my dear boy. I'll see you very soon again if everything turns out well. Good night xoxo
Monday, November 5, 2012
Day 20 w/o you - 5/11/12
Woke up feeling very unwell, knowing I'll be working alone today and that it's Monday again makes me feel even for ill. It's a new start of the week, already hoping it's Friday now.
Having this weird feeling that this week will be a very long one and so far so true, today was a long and tiring day at work. I spend almost the whole day cleaning all the cufflinks on display. Then I decided to sit down and started reading all the texts Cal send, that makes me smile and feel happy for a good whole hour until my manager called and I've quite a number of task to do.
Cal called today, it made my night. I was secretly wishing that time would stop for a few mins so I'll get to listen to his voice longer but no time flew by and it was time for him to hang. I feel like the guy up there is testing us again. I miss Cal's scent and his handkerchief, need to steal one when I have my chance lol.
Now it's 12:34am, I'm about to meet Cal in his dream. Tomorrow(later) is going to be another cold, boring and longgggg day at work. All I'm looking forward to is having pineapple and watermelon for lunch. I shall turn in now, good night to myself.
Having this weird feeling that this week will be a very long one and so far so true, today was a long and tiring day at work. I spend almost the whole day cleaning all the cufflinks on display. Then I decided to sit down and started reading all the texts Cal send, that makes me smile and feel happy for a good whole hour until my manager called and I've quite a number of task to do.
Cal called today, it made my night. I was secretly wishing that time would stop for a few mins so I'll get to listen to his voice longer but no time flew by and it was time for him to hang. I feel like the guy up there is testing us again. I miss Cal's scent and his handkerchief, need to steal one when I have my chance lol.
Now it's 12:34am, I'm about to meet Cal in his dream. Tomorrow(later) is going to be another cold, boring and longgggg day at work. All I'm looking forward to is having pineapple and watermelon for lunch. I shall turn in now, good night to myself.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
03/11/12
Finally it's Saturday and guess who get to book out today!! Finally on a movie date w my dear boy, watched skyfall but the whole time I wasn't actually really paying much attention to the movie. Rather distracted by the scent of him and how good he look. Ok truth is I enjoy watching him lol.
It's funny how both of us were unhappy of our hairstyle but we like each other's instead? I really think Cal look really charming as usual, I mean come on how can he not hahaha =p
He make a very happy girl today even though I'm feeling very nervous and guilty towards him.
Cal attended my grandma's birthday dinner, I'm so glad and grateful that he's willing to even go though he know it's going to be quite awkward w all my relatives around dinning. I was so nervous for him because we dk what to expect but everything was fine at the end of the dinner. It's so sweet of him to be there w and for me, I can't explain enough how bloody lucky I am to have him.
Now it's back to square 1, won't be able to see Cal every weekend anymore in the following 8 months to come.. It's very depressing and tough but I'm sure we can work this out together. It's not going to be easy but it sure is going to be worth it <3
It's funny how both of us were unhappy of our hairstyle but we like each other's instead? I really think Cal look really charming as usual, I mean come on how can he not hahaha =p
He make a very happy girl today even though I'm feeling very nervous and guilty towards him.
Cal attended my grandma's birthday dinner, I'm so glad and grateful that he's willing to even go though he know it's going to be quite awkward w all my relatives around dinning. I was so nervous for him because we dk what to expect but everything was fine at the end of the dinner. It's so sweet of him to be there w and for me, I can't explain enough how bloody lucky I am to have him.
Now it's back to square 1, won't be able to see Cal every weekend anymore in the following 8 months to come.. It's very depressing and tough but I'm sure we can work this out together. It's not going to be easy but it sure is going to be worth it <3
Friday, November 2, 2012
18th day w/o you - 02/11/12
I don't know why I feel so lost. I miss you and getting your text telling me you're booking out from camp excites the hell out of me but at the same time I dk how I'm really supposed to feel??
This few days haven really been that well, everyday feels the same. Cold and empty. I feel like it's been years seen I saw you, time is passing so quickly but at the very same time it felt like forever.. It's way too painful, having to feel and go through this everyday i think my heart is totally used to the ache.
I feel so guilty because I seem like I'm forcing you, it's not supposed to end up like this. This weekend is supposed to be ours but not anymore, I feel so sad why is this happening to us. We have been behaving well we deserve some quality time together!!
I feel like I'm going to explode very soon. So much stress I brought upon myself, I am such a failure.. Good night to you and sweet dreams.
This few days haven really been that well, everyday feels the same. Cold and empty. I feel like it's been years seen I saw you, time is passing so quickly but at the very same time it felt like forever.. It's way too painful, having to feel and go through this everyday i think my heart is totally used to the ache.
I feel so guilty because I seem like I'm forcing you, it's not supposed to end up like this. This weekend is supposed to be ours but not anymore, I feel so sad why is this happening to us. We have been behaving well we deserve some quality time together!!
I feel like I'm going to explode very soon. So much stress I brought upon myself, I am such a failure.. Good night to you and sweet dreams.
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