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The feeling you get when you keep everything in and when it finally reaches it's limit, it blows up. Everything starts coming at you and everything you do get worst. The feeling you felt when you realised actually all along the one who you lose trust in was yourself, that everything happened because of you and what you did. That you've to lie to yourself to feel better, to fake being happy to cover all the sadness inside you. To believe in nothing because everything seems so blurry and felt so airy.

When your tears start sliding down your cheeks, you gasp for air as you feel the heart ache as though you are dying and you wish you were dead. Because at least the pain will stop and without the negative everyone will be happier.

Dying from the inside out is the worst kind of death, i guess i deserve it.

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Night.

I haven been sleeping well for a long while until i get to see you again. Some days i just go to work as usual acting i'm just tired because i don't have 'enough' sleep but truth is i haven had one in a long time.

You noticed i was tired and the fact that only when you're beside me i manage to fall asleep. Every night like today i can't sleep and can't stop thinking and wishing if only you were here. The precious amount of time i get to spend with you in a day is way too limited i wish time would just stay still for a little longer so i can take a good look at your beautiful face and enjoy your scent while you hug me so tight in your arms.

I am satisfied with all that i have right now but honestly part of me gets out of breath sometimes and i feel like giving up. Not because of any problems or obstacles we are facing but because you've to sacrifice so much just to make sure i am happy. It's so not worth it. The pain i felt everytime when i think of us, it's so near yet so far.

I don't dare to expect much of us because i don't want to be disappointing both you and i in the end but i wish what we have now would never change. I like how we are now and for someone like you to even fall for me is too good to be true.
It's always time like this i miss you the most..

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