It's my off day today and weeks before today we planned to meet up to celebrate our monthsary.
I lied about me able to cope and make sure I'm strong enough not to let this love sick effect me but it's getting quite out of hand I feel so sick and unwell. Both physically and mentally. I'm constantly making jokes out of everything around me, making
everyone around me laugh just so I can laugh too but deep inside I'm still feeling like shit..
I don't know how I'm gonna make it through but I'll try. I know it's hard for you too as it is for me so I shouldn't whine and complain every chance I get. I just miss you so badly it's so painful. I feel like I'm being tore apart and I'm just hanging here on a thread waiting for the thread to break from my weight.
I feel so lost. Everyday when I wake up I tell myself it's gonna be a better day and I'm one day closer to see you again but my day always feels like forever. I promise you I'll take good care of myself so I did and I brought food to work everyday. Eating cold brownrice is not funny, I'm so sick of it already thinking of food makes me very sick now but I know I got to eat to survive. I must not break my promise to you.
I wonder what you're dreaming now you must be asleep. It's 1:16am, the 21st baby. Happy monthsary, 3 years & 3 months we've been through a lot together. I'm so lucky to have you, there's more to come and I'm looking forward to walk this path with you. It's you and me against the world cal and I love you <3 sleep tight xoxoxo
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Day 3 w/o you
Feeling really tired yet excited when I woke up in the morning, tired because yesterday was a very busy day at work so we ended late and I slept at 1am haha.
Today will be another busy day at work, have a lot to be done which is why I'm excited. I need time to pass by faster, I need lots of work to do I need to keep myself busy. I need to be too busy to think of cal, I need more work to do so I will stop counting the amount of days left to see him.. Painful but worth it.
I feel like my body is breaking apart but I believe I'm stronger than this. Falling I'll in the first month of work just shows how weak I actually am. I think my headache decided to stay and he invited flu along so ya I guess they're staying long term.
2 more days and I'll be able to rest, 12 more days to pay day and 17 more days till you're back. I sound like a girl with no life but that's because Cal's away. I hope he still gets his ice cream every Tuesday in camp haha, ice cream is the cure for sadness and loneliness.
Isit normal to feel heartbroken when your love ones are away? The feeling when you feel your heart is being crashed and that you can hardly breath. Your chest hurts so badly it almost feels like you're getting a heartattack, you blank out when you're alone, you smile to yourself when thinking of the memories you both had and then you feel empty throughout the day. Everyday is a cycle, a struggle, a day closer to you..
Today will be a better day Eunice.
Today will be another busy day at work, have a lot to be done which is why I'm excited. I need time to pass by faster, I need lots of work to do I need to keep myself busy. I need to be too busy to think of cal, I need more work to do so I will stop counting the amount of days left to see him.. Painful but worth it.
I feel like my body is breaking apart but I believe I'm stronger than this. Falling I'll in the first month of work just shows how weak I actually am. I think my headache decided to stay and he invited flu along so ya I guess they're staying long term.
2 more days and I'll be able to rest, 12 more days to pay day and 17 more days till you're back. I sound like a girl with no life but that's because Cal's away. I hope he still gets his ice cream every Tuesday in camp haha, ice cream is the cure for sadness and loneliness.
Isit normal to feel heartbroken when your love ones are away? The feeling when you feel your heart is being crashed and that you can hardly breath. Your chest hurts so badly it almost feels like you're getting a heartattack, you blank out when you're alone, you smile to yourself when thinking of the memories you both had and then you feel empty throughout the day. Everyday is a cycle, a struggle, a day closer to you..
Today will be a better day Eunice.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Day 2 w/o you
I received a text this morning and I ran over feeling excited thinking it was Cal until I saw 'M1'. I know he won't be able to use his phone so what am I hoping for? Sigh I'm just giving myself more heartache than I already have..
Yesterday I spend my day at work spacing out a lot, managed to distract myself with the food my colleuages and I brought for work and had a little potluck going on in the shop.
Then I suddenly remember the time when cal make me scramble eggs for dinner.. It's like he's everywhere, even going to the toilet makes me think of him. This is harder than I expect it to be, 3 weeks urgh it's almost 1 month.. Ok I can do this I need to learn to not depend on him so much.
Today I brought rice and scramble eggs w ham to work for brunch & dinner. When you're broke it's no longer funny. Did I mention I made a very good friend at work? No? Ok I just did haha. Working with her makes me look forward to work, her name is Mabel btw. She's too funny and blur, not those bitchy kind so ya I am grateful for her to be my colleuage.
I'm now on the train heading to orchard back to fn to settle my giftcard, this is a chore I'm so not willing to go back there. I just don't like it there and being back there makes me feel very insecure somehow. Just gonna get this over and done with for now. It's 10:23am I'm planning to be late for work because I'm always way too early. I deserve this hahaha ok jokes.
Today will be a good day. I hope.
P.s - I miss you so much )'=
Yesterday I spend my day at work spacing out a lot, managed to distract myself with the food my colleuages and I brought for work and had a little potluck going on in the shop.
Then I suddenly remember the time when cal make me scramble eggs for dinner.. It's like he's everywhere, even going to the toilet makes me think of him. This is harder than I expect it to be, 3 weeks urgh it's almost 1 month.. Ok I can do this I need to learn to not depend on him so much.
Today I brought rice and scramble eggs w ham to work for brunch & dinner. When you're broke it's no longer funny. Did I mention I made a very good friend at work? No? Ok I just did haha. Working with her makes me look forward to work, her name is Mabel btw. She's too funny and blur, not those bitchy kind so ya I am grateful for her to be my colleuage.
I'm now on the train heading to orchard back to fn to settle my giftcard, this is a chore I'm so not willing to go back there. I just don't like it there and being back there makes me feel very insecure somehow. Just gonna get this over and done with for now. It's 10:23am I'm planning to be late for work because I'm always way too early. I deserve this hahaha ok jokes.
Today will be a good day. I hope.
P.s - I miss you so much )'=
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tomorrow is Day 1 ):
It's the day of the week when you pack everything and prepare yourself for camp. Everytime when this 'last day' of your bookout/freedom arrives I've the urge to cab over to your place and kidnap you and just pour super glue all over me and hug you so you can't leave. But I know you have to so I wish that you'll stay healthy and be back safe !
I'd tell myself it's just 3 weeks no big deal but the fact that you might not even get to use your phone makes me very worried. What if they don't feed you enough ? What if your knee starts to ache again ?? What if your rashes decided to come back and visit you ?! Ok I'm thinking too much but I just can't stop myself from thinking all the 'what if'..
Right now I'm at work with the most horrible headache and eating sour plumb. It's freezing in here and I'm falling asleep. It's 5:31pm I can't wait for 9 to come so I can start packing. Left w $7.20 for to survive the next $12 days good luck Eunice..
I find it so hard to distract myself from thinking of you. All the fun times and heart2heart talks we have, the way you hold my hand and look at me, how happy you look while messing up my hair and how incredible you smell all the freaking time. I'm going to miss you so bad that when someone walk pass me he'll will start cutting his wrist.
Now I'm looking forward to see you and then we can go shopping (hehe) together ! My life is never gonna be complete without you, I think that's what it reflect from my blog and it's a fact. I'm so sleepy oh god where is hero Saw I could really use a hug right now ~
I'd tell myself it's just 3 weeks no big deal but the fact that you might not even get to use your phone makes me very worried. What if they don't feed you enough ? What if your knee starts to ache again ?? What if your rashes decided to come back and visit you ?! Ok I'm thinking too much but I just can't stop myself from thinking all the 'what if'..
Right now I'm at work with the most horrible headache and eating sour plumb. It's freezing in here and I'm falling asleep. It's 5:31pm I can't wait for 9 to come so I can start packing. Left w $7.20 for to survive the next $12 days good luck Eunice..
I find it so hard to distract myself from thinking of you. All the fun times and heart2heart talks we have, the way you hold my hand and look at me, how happy you look while messing up my hair and how incredible you smell all the freaking time. I'm going to miss you so bad that when someone walk pass me he'll will start cutting his wrist.
Now I'm looking forward to see you and then we can go shopping (hehe) together ! My life is never gonna be complete without you, I think that's what it reflect from my blog and it's a fact. I'm so sleepy oh god where is hero Saw I could really use a hug right now ~
Saturday, October 13, 2012
For my one and only <3
You're always leaving, i'm always waiting, we're always apart but both our hearts stay and nothing have change. Infact our relationship grew stronger and deeper each day. It's no longer just you and me it's 'we', I believe we can make through this.
3 weeks seems short but it's a bloody long time to me. I'll miss you extremely badly and I know you would feel the same too. This heartache is not the best feeling but I know it shows how important you are to me and that's the msg I want it to get across to you when I said 'My heart is aching'.
Life without you is a nightmare but I'll cherish everyday single day, work hard at work and look forward to you back to my side. If you're reading this my dear remember don't ever doubt yourself or your ability to do anything. Have more faith in yourself just like you have it in us. There is nothing in the world you can't do, just do your best and whatever it is I'm still going to be very proud of you.
This is hard for the both of us but at the end of the day our plan will work out just fine and eventually everything will fall into place. All this will be worth it so don't give up alright ? Hang in there baby we're almost there, as each day passes by we're nearer to our goals. I hope you're feeling better and your rashes to be gone by now.
Good night my dear cal <3 xoxoxo
3 weeks seems short but it's a bloody long time to me. I'll miss you extremely badly and I know you would feel the same too. This heartache is not the best feeling but I know it shows how important you are to me and that's the msg I want it to get across to you when I said 'My heart is aching'.
Life without you is a nightmare but I'll cherish everyday single day, work hard at work and look forward to you back to my side. If you're reading this my dear remember don't ever doubt yourself or your ability to do anything. Have more faith in yourself just like you have it in us. There is nothing in the world you can't do, just do your best and whatever it is I'm still going to be very proud of you.
This is hard for the both of us but at the end of the day our plan will work out just fine and eventually everything will fall into place. All this will be worth it so don't give up alright ? Hang in there baby we're almost there, as each day passes by we're nearer to our goals. I hope you're feeling better and your rashes to be gone by now.
Good night my dear cal <3 xoxoxo
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Hello October (In advance)
A fresh start, feels like I'm given a second live and I'm reborn again but this time I'm gonna make sure everything goes according to plan. Planning something ahead usually don't work out that well for me or should I say it never did worked?
Hmm. Found a job, something new and I'm quite looking forward. What I'm worried about is that I might let them down because I still new and I don't think I'm a fast learner at all. I need at least a week to be comfortable with new people around me, when i get nervous I can't pronouns words clearly but trust me I'm trying my best to kick this bad habit away.
Went to take a look at the shop and that was when I start getting nervous about work. I wasn't at first really I was more excited but now whenever I think about it the butterflies in my stomach start flying around making me nauseous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep the night before work, that's bad.
I'm very thankful for the job and I really didn't expected to be hired but everything happen for a reason yes? Hopefully the wheel is spinning right and it's the start of good luck coming my way. I really need to do well this time especially for my math paper next year.
You only get what you want if you work your ass for it, I understand this and I'm not going to disappoint everyone around me again this time. No matter how much I hate math this time i NEED to ace it.
I believe that this time everything will work out well as long as I focus. The first 2 weeks will always be the worst but I'm gonna get used to it. This is a brand new start to make a better me. Not giving up because I know I'm better than this.
P/s: I'd the best waffles w ice cream w Cal earlier and that $16 is worth it.
Pp/s: Did I mention I'm broke & on a extremely tight budget? Gonna eat air till I get my pay.
Hmm. Found a job, something new and I'm quite looking forward. What I'm worried about is that I might let them down because I still new and I don't think I'm a fast learner at all. I need at least a week to be comfortable with new people around me, when i get nervous I can't pronouns words clearly but trust me I'm trying my best to kick this bad habit away.
Went to take a look at the shop and that was when I start getting nervous about work. I wasn't at first really I was more excited but now whenever I think about it the butterflies in my stomach start flying around making me nauseous. I don't think I'll be able to sleep the night before work, that's bad.
I'm very thankful for the job and I really didn't expected to be hired but everything happen for a reason yes? Hopefully the wheel is spinning right and it's the start of good luck coming my way. I really need to do well this time especially for my math paper next year.
You only get what you want if you work your ass for it, I understand this and I'm not going to disappoint everyone around me again this time. No matter how much I hate math this time i NEED to ace it.
I believe that this time everything will work out well as long as I focus. The first 2 weeks will always be the worst but I'm gonna get used to it. This is a brand new start to make a better me. Not giving up because I know I'm better than this.
P/s: I'd the best waffles w ice cream w Cal earlier and that $16 is worth it.
Pp/s: Did I mention I'm broke & on a extremely tight budget? Gonna eat air till I get my pay.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I can't find words to describe how I feel now, it's like I'm trapped. I want to do great things, start drawing and painting again. I want to make sure everything goes according to plan, I need to start climbing towards my goal in life now. I want to be happy and see everyone around me happy. I don't wanna be rich or famous or anything I just need life to be a little bit better in all ways.
Even if I have to give up my dreams in studying art to reach my goal, I would. I need some luck, some motivation and determination. I need to start working hard for what I want in future. Most importantly I need to love math, try to at least. I need and want to ace it this time.
Just wake up from daydreaming already Eunice, it's time you make yourself and everyone around you feel proud. All you need is a little faith and a push, don't fall back to square 1 and throw your effort and money down the drain. Luck will start coming your way if you believe in yourself a little more.
Even if I have to give up my dreams in studying art to reach my goal, I would. I need some luck, some motivation and determination. I need to start working hard for what I want in future. Most importantly I need to love math, try to at least. I need and want to ace it this time.
Just wake up from daydreaming already Eunice, it's time you make yourself and everyone around you feel proud. All you need is a little faith and a push, don't fall back to square 1 and throw your effort and money down the drain. Luck will start coming your way if you believe in yourself a little more.
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